I woke up this morning with a headache today stemming from a spot in between my left shoulder blade and my spine. It made breathing and remembering difficult almost painful but only slightly. It was like the dull ache and burning itch of poison oak, which reminds me of my dream; the one I hoped the headache would drown out. Obviously, the pain isn't great enough to make me forget.
I was standing on a cliff looking at a large island in the rough sea that kept being hidden by coastal fog. Only, I wasn't me. I was floating above me, and my body was in the form of He-Man, Master of the Universe. My greased muscles shone like the sun that was beginning to set: bronze. I was a less precious metal.
I don't know how I got to that cliff of sandstone. I was just there and had a vague memory of a machete and gigantic wild plants that chased me over uneven ground. I think they had human teeth. They also had new wave haircuts. I despised them; they were trying to be too hip. That was some of the only clarity.
Another clear thought was: Joel Osteen and Tammy Faye Baker. They were keynote speakers about the power of visualization and self-determination. Evidently, anything is possible if you only have ambition and faith. I have neither. I like it that way; it make living surprisingly easy. I am content with my minimum wage job and lack of insurance precisely because I don' give a shit.But...He-Man cared, and he wanted to listen to the keynote speakers. He believed in "the POWER OF GRAYSKULL!", which he thought, based solely on its conceptual designs, was the epitome of both ambition and faith. It's how Prince Adam became He-Man: he believe. Plus, he had a mantra.
The speech was to take place on the island. Only, the sea separated us. And a cliff. And the fact that I, who was He-Man and floating above him, couldn't care less about Joel Osteen. Tammy Faye, on the other hand, was a different story. I wanted to know her beauty secrets. How exactly does one get that much mascara on one's eyelashes? It is still a mystery to me, and I've tried fake eyelashes, Mac mascara, and that stupid eyelash "grower" that Brooke Shields sells. I think it is called Activia or Boniva or Truvia or something ...via. Then again, I could be confusing it with solutions to irritable bowel syndrome, which I think is a "side" effect of that lash "grower". My bowels were definitely irritated, but that has nothing to do with eyelashes.
I am digressing form my dream. I, He-Man, was standing on a cliff looking at the island in the middle of the choppy sea when the plants from that hidden memory burst forth through the line of palm trees that stood twenty-seven feet away from the edge of the cliff. I had only a moment to decide what to do. That's when I noticed the plant people with the Devo outfits were poison oak. I could tell by the leaves of three and the slightly reddish-brown hue to their supposedly green leaves.I had two options: fight or flight. Flight meant jumping off the cliff, falling at least six stories, and most likely dieing on impact. I jumped. Or rather He-Man jumped. I still floated there above him.
Only, he didn't fall. He flew upward and in a bizarre moment of lucidity I really was He-Man. I was no longer floating above him.
Then, I woke up with a headache.
Now, I am popping three Advil hoping it will subside and that I can forget my dream. I just wish I could have learned Tammy Faye's beauty secrets before I woke up. God damn Devo poison oak people ruining my strange dream!
